used_fireblast | Casefile 001A

No, no, no, no, no, NO!

[Hello Johto, your friendly neighborhood wizard has decided to drop back in. Or rather has come back entirely against his will, which probably goes a long way towards explaining exactly why he’s so mad right now. Angry enough that he seems entirely oblivious to the Smoochum clinging to the top of his head and licking his hair happily.]

Dammit, I said I was ready! I was- you send me HERE? You’ve got a sick sense of humor, Uriel! You hear me? SICK! That woman who said- …that is NOT FUNNY.

[He lets out a frustrated snort, lacking someone he can properly blame.]

…Dammit. So apparently I’m back. A few minutes ago I didn’t remember that there was even a HERE to get back to, but I’m back. Probably not from outer space, unless the cosmology of the afterlife is worryingly Lovecraftian. And hell’s bells, now that song’s stuck in my head. Lemme just say that the timing on all this? NOT helping the paranoia that this is some kind of hell.

Smoo-chu!

Oh, and Lara’s still here.

[Harry hooks a thumb at the Smoochum acting as an impromptu hat. She grins happily, waving at the camera.]

Guess if this is all a massive hallucination, at least my psychoses are consistent. Me and Dorothy Gale.

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...Yes. Yes it is.

[And thus does Harry's need to not withhold important information come into conflict with his desire to avoid the horrific awkwardness and brain-shattering that happened the last time he Fourth Wall'd someone.]

...it tends to get used in fiction a lot. Usually stories about strange things happening to the main character. Other worlds and stuff. Which is why I thought of it.

[Master. Of. Deception.]

I've never heard of a predicament like that before. It sounds like quite a stressful situation to be in.

Yeah, that... happens sometimes. Basically.

But, uh... welcome back?

Other worlds? [Oz wasn't really another world, right? I mean you can get there via hot air balloon.]

Yeah. Like the one we're in now.

[Don't mention Oz, don't mention Oz, don't mention Oz...]

Like CS Lewis' Narnia books. Bunch of kids go through a wardrobe and end up in world full of talking animals and wandering Christian allegories.

[Would that be before her time? Probably. That was the forties or so.]

Or like Alice in Wonderland, I guess. ...Actually, there's sort of a disturbing number of stories like that.

Putting it mildly, yes.

[The last time his memories had a discrepancy like this... it was not fun.]

...You play armchair psychologist for strangers often?

Thanks, I guess.

[Being here is probably one of the better alternatives open to him, but it's still not the one he would've chosen.]

Any more insanity-inducing typhoons in the past couple months?

Narnia, I have never heard of that.

I have heard of Alice in Wonderland, but have not read it. Is it good?

[Yeah, after her time.]

I read it once a while ago. It was okay. Probably would've liked it better if I'd read it as a kid.

[These days it's just a tad too close to his real life.]

[Envy is always pleased to be an enabler, and his amused smirk just gets wider as Lara keeps styling Harry's hair.]

[Although this is yet another cultural reference totally lost on him, as he has no idea what Japan is or about the style of the its cartoons.]

What can I say, I do like the look. As to its resemblance to whatever you're talking about, I'll take your word for it.

Oh.

What's your name, sir?

I'm Harry Dresden.

[So tempting to add some kind of 'good witch' or wizard joke. So very tempting.]

So do you prefer 'Dorothy' or 'Miss Gale'?

Nah, none of those, thank god.

... A bunch of us did get our souls sucked out by creepy undead bugs, though.

That was fun.

Not.

Dorothy.

I think I was here for that, actually.

Really?

Oh, good. You haven't missed anything, then.

_{[Because who'd wanna miss undead soul-stealing cicadas, am I right?]}

Only when I have the free time. There's certainly a lot of it here.

Your pokémon certainly seems glad to see you here.

Yeah, but she usually has better taste than this.

[When lacking other targets, go for self-depreciation. The Tao of Peter Parker, verse 12.]

Yeah, this way I don't have to do that thing where I stare in disbelief when I hear about the weird stuff and just skip straight to getting a headache from this world in general. Much more efficient.

...so, you wanna actually exchange introductions this time, or should I just start making up nicknames? I'm kind of out of practice.

Introductions are fine by me, 'cause, uh... yeah. Definitely don't wanna go with Beach Girl.

Name's Mason-- Heather Mason.

I was kind of leaning towards "She-Calvin", actually.

Harry Dresden.

Harry? Good name! My old man's name is Harry. _{[And being a shameless Daddy's Girl, sharing the name is a compliment as far as she's concerned.]}

And I dunno, for Calvin to work, I'd need to have a t--

_{[... A pause.]

[She looks down at Cujo.]}

.... Touche.

Alas, she seems to favor you. Shouldn't you be glad instead?

I process emotions one at a time. Cavemen's Guild privilege. I think I'm entitled to be sort of grumpy for now.

Of course. After all, it would be odd if you were elated while being grumpy upon arrival, don't you think?

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